I know a very humble Indian family living in the USA for the past 16 years. The couple and their 3 children live in a beautiful house. Once while having a chat with the lady of the house ( I call her Aunty), she told me her story, her biggest regret. A regret, she said, she would take to her grave.
Many years ago, her sister, who was living in India, was diagnosed with a terminal cancer. She was widowed and had one son at that time. So Aunty visited India for a month to take care of her only sister, and simply to be with her during her last days. Her children and husband couldn't go with her because of their school and job. So she went alone, obviously because she had to see her sister. Her sister was of course very happy and believed that she would recover for her son, for Aunty, and for her parents. They had an amazing time together. Doctors said that her health had improved. Although they couldn't say how long it would stay that way.
After spending a month in India with her sister and seeing her health improve, she returned back to her home in the US to be with her children and husband. A week after she returned, her sister passed away in India. She was heartbroken. She cried. She hated herself. But most of all, she is now living with the biggest regret of her life - that she wasn't with her sister until the end. Only if she would have stayed back a week longer. Her sister needed her. But how could she? Her children needed their mother too. She was torn apart - because she had to choose between her a sister and her children. That one regret, she said, would haunt her forever.
I wanted to tell her that I know how that feels. I too lost my cousin 6 months after I moved to this country. My last memory with him is when he met me just before I was leaving India to pursue my masters, back in 2010. I remember he wished me luck and while leaving, hugged me awkwardly. Only if I knew that I would never get to see him again.. For the next 6 months after I had left India, I only heard from my family about his deteriorating health. I didn't know what to expect. When one is far away from an adversity, one does not realize the intensity of the sufferings. That is what happened to me. I kept believing that he was going to be okay. I kept hoping that I would see him when I go back to India. Which, never happened. When I heard of his news, I felt hollow from within. It still does when I think of those days.
Yet, life must move on. Here I am, sitting eight thousand miles away from my family because I still need to prove my worth in this world. I still have to achieve a lot for myself. The "future me" compels me to stay away from my family and out of my comfort zone. "She" compels me to stay strong and live with a new hope and faith. But the void will stay forever. I like to believe that the same void gives me the strength to carry on with my life.
